“The Helmsman’s Logs – 2372” [PG-13] – 2/2

Here is the sequel to the personal logs of Tom Paris, set around Voyager’s second year in the Delta Quadrant: 


Part II

STARDATE 49406.28 – Oh shit! What the hell has Tuvok got me
into? And why in the hell did I agree to get involve in his
crazy plan? Okay, I know why. There’s a spy aboard Voyager.
Someone aboard ship may be in contact with Seska and the Kazon.
And the Captain and Tuvok have asked me to help me flush out
this spy. The plan calls for acting like a malcontent – being
late for duty, submitting incomplete reports, tweaking
regulations. And all this would mean coming into conflict with
the ship’s First Officer. Namely Chakotay.

A part of me does not really want to take that step backward. I
don’t want to be that man who first boarded Voyager just over a
year ago. But if it means flushing out that spy . . . Damn! I
only hope that a lot of people will forgive me when this is
over. End personal log.

STARDATE 49415.19 – Operation . . . hell, I don’t know. Bad Boy?
Well anyway, it has commenced. The operation to flush out the

I began with a little something that was bound to get me into
trouble – an illegal gambling operation. Unfortunately, the plan
called for using Harry. Allow him to win a game of pool to
bolster his ego. Then challenge him and a few others with
another game of chance – namely, predict the daily radiogenic
particle count at the price of one replicator credit per bet.
And I would get to keep a small percentage of the proceeds for
operating the game. This ought to grab Chakotay’s attention and
get me into trouble. End personal log.

STARDATE 49417.21 – Murder aboard Voyager. This morning,
B’Elanna told Harry and me that she found Crewman Frank Darwin
inside an ESP conduit – apparently murdered. Tuvok has already
found the culprit. Namely Lon Suder. I’m not really surprised.
I didn’t know Suder that well in the Maquis. That’s because one
glance at those creepy peepers of his had encouraged me to stay
away. Can you blame me? There seemed to be a violent and
bloodthirsty aura about him. And to think he had killed Darwin,
because he didn’t like the way the other man looked at him. I’m
glad that he never caught me staring.

B’Elanna seemed really shook up over the whole thing. She
complained that Tuvok made a big thing over Chakotay’s failure
to inform him and Janeway about Suder’s character. I replied
that I didn’t blame Tuvok. If everyone knew about my “criminal”
past, why should Suder be exempt? B’Elanna, loyal as always,
didn’t respond well to my remark.

Tonight, the radiogenic sweepstakes will resume. I wonder who
will win the pot. My guess is no one. End personal log.

STARDATE 49420.49 – It has finally happened. The first steps of
the operation to flush out Seska’s spy ended when Chakotay found
out about the sweepstakes and shut it down. And it only took him
two days. He tried to give me the old “I thought-you-could-do-
 speech, but I shot him down with a nasty comment. I
must be honest. I really enjoyed getting Chakotay’s goat like
that. It’s as if this whole mission has given me carte blanche
to express my true feelings.

What I don’t like is earning the other crewmen’s antipathy.
Especially Harry’s. He is my closest friend on this ship. And
ever since being captured by the Vidiians, the crew has slowly
begun to accept me. I only hope the spy will make him or herself
known before I can piss off anyone else.

As for the brains behind this operation – I haven’t seen Tuvok
lately. Instead, I’ve been reporting to Captain Janeway.
According to B’Elanna, Ayala told her that Tuvok had mind
melded with Suder in order to learn the latter’s motives for
killing Darwin. I wonder what happened that led Tuvok to disappear
like that? End personal log.

STARDATE 49458.08 – The operation to flush out Seska’s spy
continues. At Tuvok’s request, I was late for the senior staff
meeting, regarding the latest crisis, looking disheveled. The
problem is that I wish I hadn’t – considering what was being

Voyager encountered . . . would you believe this? We encountered
a Cardassian missile here in the Delta Quadrant. And it arrived in
the same manner as we did – via the Caretaker’s array. What made
this situation even more bizarre is that the Maquis had captured
the missile and reprogrammed it to strike a Cardassian target –
namely a fuel depot in a sector far from here. The missile
apparently believed it was still in the Alpha Quadrant, and that
an M-class planet called Ralorka IV was the Cardassian fuel

B’Elanna confessed that it was she who had reprogrammed
Dreadnought (the Maquis’ name for it) without Chakotay’s
permission. Apparently, the Big Guy made his disappointment known
after he found out in that “damn soft voice of his”.
Typical Chakotay. But I didn’t say so to B’Elanna. Our conversation
eventually switched to my recent “discipline” problems. She
had heard about my recent altercations with Lieutenant Rollins,
regarding my navigational reports. What could I say? That I’m
pretending to be a pain-in-the-ass, so that Tuvok can flush out
a spy? Instead, I lied and told her that Rollins had over-
exaggerated the situation. You know, I almost chucked Tuvok’s
crazy little scheme after that conversation. I don’t know.
Manipulating Harry was bad enough. But for some reason, I really
felt like a heel after lying to B’Elanna. End personal log.

STARDATE 49459.81 – She did it. B’Elanna stopped the Dreadnought
missile from striking Ralorka IV. And not a minute too soon. At
first, we all thought she had deactivated the missile – until I
noticed that it had resumed its course to the planet. Hearing
its voice – B’Elanna’s voice – over the Comm system nearly gave
me the creeps. It sounded so unemotional. So unlike B’Elanna.

After we lost contact with B’Elanna during her second trip to
Dreadnought’s interior, the Captain decided to evacuate Voyager
and detonate it in front of the missile to divert it from
Ralorka IV. I wanted to stay behind and help, but she insisted
that Harry and me follow Chakotay and the others to the escape
pods. Only Tuvok remained behind. Fortunately, B’Elanna
destroyed the missile and we all returned to the ship. It just
hit me. If Voyager had been destroyed, I would have been left
with the messy task of informing Chakotay about the mission to
find the spy. And considering our recent hostilities, I would
have found myself in a sticky situation. End personal log.

STARDATE 49499.09 – It’s been over a month since I began this
mission to trap the spy and I’m getting nowhere. I haven’t been
approached or anything. So, the deception continues. Once again,
I was late in reporting for duty on the Bridge. I must say that
I came up with some pretty lame excuses – like helping Sam
Wildman give birth. Unsurprisingly, no one bought them. And
naturally, Chakotay raised a fuss. The only other action that
occurred was an encounter with a Vidiian ship. It didn’t turn
out that big of a threat. We only found one lifesign aboard – a
female who was seriously ill. Talk about a dull and frustrating
day. End personal log.

STARDATE 49501.45 – Chakotay and I had a fight in the Mess Hall.
A spat, really. And for once, it wasn’t my doing. Okay, maybe it
was my fault, since I was the one who became hostile. But I have
to admit that Chakotay presented me with the perfect opportunity
in his attempt to play the Good Samaritan. He wanted to talk
about my recent problems. Perhaps help me. You know, I almost
laughed in his face. But I didn’t. Instead, I sneered at his
concern for me and accused him of never taking my contributions
to the ship, seriously. I even brought up my suggestion of
investigating a recent nebula. Actually, I knew it was a dumb
idea that Chakotay would surely dismiss. And give me the opportunity
to express my hostility.

Poor Chakotay. I will really feel sorry for him when he learns
About this deception. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like the guy,
but the shit is really going to hit the fan when he realizes that
the Captain and Tuvok had decided not to include him in this
little scheme. I finally asked Tuvok why he didn’t want Chakotay
to know. He replied that he suspected a former Maquis of being
the spy and he wanted to spare our first officer of any personal
conflictions, considering the latter’s tendency to jump to the
Maquis’ defense whenever one of them encounter any discipline.
Seemed plausible. Somewhat. Okay, it was pure bullshit. I may be
wrong, but I have the oddest feeling that spite and dislike
played a part in Tuvok’s decision. As our indomitable security
chief has stated repeatedly, Vulcans have emotions. They only
suppress them. Yeah, right. This decision to keep Chakotay in
the dark is a sure sign of emotional suppression. End personal

STARDATE 49503.51 – The Doc is in love! Who would have believed
it? Well, I already knew that he harbored some feelings for Kes.
I just never thought he would fall or someone else. Namely, our
Vidiian visitor. I’ve only met her briefly, inside Sandrine’s,
last night. When the Doc told me about her reactions to his
overture, I realized that my original estimation of Denara Pel
had been right. She was shy. Even B’Elanna, who had every reason
to hate the Vidiians, developed a sympathetic regard for her.

After the Doc’s failure with Denara, he asked me for advice. Me,
Tom Paris. Of all people! I guess he doesn’t know about my
rapidly declining reputation. Anyway, I told him about my old
Academy girlfriend, Susie Crabtree, and how she dumped me at the
end of our first year. After word of Caldik Prime got around, I
guess she finally realized that she had been right to dump me.
Anyway, I agreed to help the Doc win Denara Pel back. And I just
came up with an idea. End personal log.

LOG SUPPLEMENTAL – Just paid a visit to Tuvok’s office. He
informed me that it was time to take our deception a notch
upward. A step that should either bring me in contact with the
spy or Seska. I have to create some kind of physical altercation
with Chakotay that will get me in the Brig. Oh great! This
should look good on my record. Sigh! I hate to say it, but Tuvok
is right. So far, the Big Man has barely reacted to my
insubordination. I’m beginning to suspect that he’s a stick of
wood in disguise. Maybe what Tuvok has in mind will finally do
it. Push the situation beyond control. And the sooner I end this
charade, the better. End personal log.

STARDATE 49509.03 – Well, it finally worked. Tuvok’s plan. I
reported on the Bridge yesterday morning, late as usual.
Chakotay coolly informed me that he has found someone else to
replace me at the Helm. Namely Baytart. I know this was supposed
to be an act, but for some reason, I felt a surge of anger. I
really wanted to hit the bastard. Instead, I insisted upon
reporting for duty and that was when Chakotay gave me the
opportunity. He touched me on the arm, but I purposely over-
reacted and shoved him. I have to be honest. It felt good. The
pleasure disappeared when the Captain ordered Tuvok to escort me
to the Brig. For a brief moment, I felt a sense of déjà vu. It
brought back the time when Starfleet captured me after three
weeks with the Maquis. The feeling ended when Tuvok led me to
his office. He assured me that this little stint to the Brig
will not appear on my record.

After twenty-four hours in the Brig, I was released. No one had
come by to visit me. Not even Harry. I guess I don’t blame them.
That reminds me, I have to find out how the Doc’s date with
Denara Pel went. End personal log.

STARDATE 49520.59 – This will be my last log entry, until my
return to the ship. That is, if I ever return. Since my little
spell in the Brig, I have become persona non gratis aboard
Voyager. Only the Doc, Harry, Kes and Neelix seemed willing to
talk with me. The Captain and Tuvok decided it was best to take
the deception to the next level. Leave Voyager and offer myself
as bait to Seska. Tuvok contacted a Talaxian freighter that was
looking for a new pilot. He figured that once the crew learn
about my departure, the spy would contact Seska. I only hope
that . . . (door chimes) Enter! Got a visitor. End personal log.

STARDATE 49526.06 – I am so glad to be back! And to be honest, I
really didn’t think I would make it. Especially after Seska
caught me using the ship’s computer. But it was too late. At
least for her. I managed to discover the spy’s identity before
she could stop me. It was Mike Jonas. Now that I think about it,
I’m not really surprised. There was always something about him
that I didn’t trust. Even back in the Maquis. Too quiet and too
sneaky. And I also remembered that he and Seska used to be quite
chummy back in those days. Well, he’s dead, poor Mike. I don’t
think anyone will mourn him.

Now that I’ve succeeded in my mission, I’ve become very popular
aboard ship. Both Neelix and me. I think that little spot on the
“Breakfast With Neelix” show must have done the trick.
Personally, I found it embarrassing, but Neelix insisted that he
interview me. I don’t know why. He was just as responsible for
stopping Jonas and Seska from luring Voyager into a trap. And he
was the one who killed Jonas.

Most of the Maquis are pretty upset over the revelation.
Especially Hogan. I haven’t seen such embarrassment since Seska
was revealed to be a Cardassian spy. I think the embarrassment
was worse for Chakotay. Not only was he the one who had
originally recruited Jonas, but he also found out about Tuvok
and the Captain’s scheme. I don’t know if he has forgiven those
two for making a chump out of him, but judging from the silent
treatment I have received since my return, he certainly has not
forgiven me. I guess things are back to normal. End personal log.

STARDATE 49537.58 – The Doc’s lady love, Denara Pel, left
Voyager today. We delivered her to a Vidiian colony without
being detected by her people. Both seemed upset, but resigned. It
seemed that the little matchmaking scheme Kes and I had devised,
worked. Good. At least he had a nice romance.

Chakotay has begun talking to me again. Somewhat. At least when
the topic of ship’s business come up. But it’s worse with
B’Elanna. She hasn’t given me the silent treatment, like
Chakotay. Nor has she been hostile. But she seems to make sure
that we’re never alone, together. And during off duty hours, she
usually sticks to Harry like glue. Or remain in her cabin –
alone. I’m beginning to suspect that once again, our friendship
is in serious trouble. End personal log.

STARDATE 49547.7 – God! This has been one bizarre day! Harry .
. . and I mean by Harry Number 2 . . . Hell, I better start from
the beginning!

It all started during Alpha shift. Sam Wildman went into labor,
while we all anxiously awaited news of Voyager’s first baby. It
wasn’t long before I spotted Vidiian ships on the sensors.
Voyager eventually hid inside a plasma cloud to avoid detection.
Once the ship left the nebula, all hell broke loose. The warp
engine stalled, the antimatter supplies began to drain and
proton burst caused a hull breach. We had no idea where the
proton bursts came from, since B’Elanna had not begun to start
our own bursts to stave off the antimatter drain. Then our
situation became worse. The Doctor reported that Sam’s baby had
died, due to the ship’s power drain. And . . . shit! It’s all in
the past and I’m still shaking. B’Elanna . . . B’Elanna reported
from Deck 15 that Kes had disappeared into a mysterious void.
(Pauses) And that Harry had died after being sucked into space.
(Pauses) That news really floored me. I mean . . . Harry was gone.
Permanently. But I didn’t have time to digest that at the time.
None of us did. Before we knew it, another hull breach occurred
on Deck 1 and we had to abandon the Bridge.

What happened? A divergence field had caused sensor reading to
double and every particle on the ship to duplicate. Two Voyagers
eventually formed and there wasn’t enough antimatter to sustain
both vessels. We also discovered that the proton bursts that
were damaging our ship, came from the second one. The Captain
Janeway from the other ship visited ours and explained
everything. I don’t know what plan the two captains had come up
with. To be honest, we didn’t have time for an explanation. The
Vidiians had returned and began firing upon our ships. I mean,
the other Voyager. Captain Janeway #2, in an effort to prevent
the Vidiians from a successful organ harvest and detecting our
ship, initiated the self-destruct button. Both the second
Voyager and the Vidiian ship were destroyed.

Before the two ships were destroyed, the second Captain had sent
over her Harry Kim and baby Wildman to our ship. In the end, Sam
Wildman ended up with her baby after all. And we got Harry back.
Sort of. Hell, I don’t know. This is all crazy. Harry #2 – I
guess I should just call him Harry – had repeated the Captain’s
words that weird was all part of the job of being a Starfleet
. If you ask me, I could do without it. End personal log.

STARDATE 49556.69 – We held a christening for Sam Wildman’s new
baby. The good ensign named her Naomi. Very pretty. Neelix has
been named godfather. During the whole, ungodly mess two days
ago, he had comforted Sam, while she dealt with the loss of the
first baby.

Ever since our encounter with the plasma cloud, B’Elanna has
grown even closer to Harry. I guess I don’t blame her. Even if
there were times when I feel that I’m being shut out. Witnessing
the death of a friend can be very traumatic. I know from past
experience. Which leads me to something else. Namely the odd
looks I’ve been receiving from Harry. I wonder what he had
witnessed. My counterpoint’s death at the hands of the Vidiians?
End personal log.

STARDATE 49583.99 – That’s it! I’ve had enough! I asked Sue
Nicoletti for a date and again, she gave me the brush off. I
don’t know what to believe. That she won’t go on one simple date
with me, or that I’ve been pursuing her for six months. I told
Harry that my nickname for her is “Cold Hands, Cold Heart
. Great! I’ve been pursuing an iceberg. I can’t
Think of any other woman aboard this ship that I’m deeply interested
in. Well, there was Kes, but I’ve recently discovered that I’m
no longer in love with her. She’s a warm and sweet woman. Like a
sister. And I’m not really interested in incest. End personal

STARDATE 49608.69 – Dick Bennet is dead. He and two other
crewmen were killed in a shuttlecraft crash, during a geological
survey mission on the moon of Drayan II. Only Tuvok had survived.
Both McCormack and Margot Gallagher are devastated. Especially
Margot. I went to her cabin to offer my condolences, but I don’t
think she was in the mood to receive visitors. I hope she
doesn’t do anything drastic. End personal log.

STARDATE 49654.99 – I used to think what I did on Caldik Prime
was the worst I could image. Maybe it was. But what happened to
Tuvix makes me wonder. I still remember standing on the Bridge,
with him begging us to help him, while Security dragged him
away. What could I do? Order the guards to let him go? Free him
myself? The Captain would have won in the end, and we got Tuvok
and Neelix back. So I just stood there like a goddamn coward. I
am so disgusted. Not only with myself, but with the rest of the
crew. The only person who didn’t seem upset over the whole
matter was Kes. She got Neelix back. I wonder if her experience
with the Ocampans had really changed her. The Captain is wearing
one of those “I did the right thing” expressions. Well, no
one will condemn her. Hell, none of us can. We’re just as guilty for
standing by, while she killed Tuvix. End personal log.

STARDATE 49659.92 – While investigating this planet in the Nyras
system, the Captain and Chakotay were bitten by an insect that
infected them with a deadly disease. In order to keep them
alive, the Doc had them put in statis. At least until he can
find a cure. This has left Tuvok has assumed command of the ship
and me, as acting first officer. Great! End personal log.

STARDATE 49744.67 – It’s over. The Doctor was unable to find a
cure for the Captain and Chakotay’s disease. He had no choice
but to return them to the planet’s surface, where they had been
infected. The planet’s atmosphere helps keep the disease benign.
So, we beamed them to the surface, along with equipment and supplies
for a habitation.

Tuvok broke the news to the rest of the senior staff, during a
meeting. He also added that the Captain had ordered the crew to
continue on to the Alpha Quadrant. That meant Tuvok and I would
permanently become the two senior officers. Oh God! This is the
last thing I wanted – being Tuvok’s XO. I can only assume that
serving directly under Chakotay would be worse. As for Tuvok –
he seemed so damn cold about leaving the Captain and Chakotay
behind. What is it with him? Doesn’t he have any feelings?
(Sighs) Of course not. He’s a Vulcan. And a Vulcan is the last
person in the universe who should be in command of a ship. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49704.69 – I never realized, until today, what an idiot
I’ve been. And a bigot. It took Ayala, of all people, to remind

It all started with Harry, who has been continuously bitching
about Tuvok since we left the Captain and Chakotay behind. All
of us were in the Mess Hall, brooding over our present situation
and the new captain. To be honest, Tuvok hasn’t been much of a
problem. But we were all still pissed by his cold attitude about
leaving our officers behind. I thought that Ayala would
understand how we felt, considering he used to be one of
Chakotay’s right-hand men. Surprise, surprise! Instead, he
reminded us that we were not giving Tuvok a chance to prove
himself as a captain and a leader. He reminded B’Elanna and other
Maquis about how Chakotay had to grow as a leader of a Maquis
cell. And he reminded the Starfleeters that Janeway had to do
the same aboard Voyager. Ayala also added that Vulcan starship
captains were nothing new in Starfleet. He had a point. He
castigated us for not giving Tuvok a chance to grow into the new
role as commander of a starship with a crew dominated by Humans.

I don’t think Ayala’s speech had much affect on the others. With
the exception of a handful from the Security Division, Kes,
Gerron, and our resident Vulcans, everyone else continued to
brood over our new captain. I guess I can now consider myself
part of the former. Mike was right. We should give Tuvok a
chance. Hell, I got one. Why not him? I guess I’ve always prided
myself on being tolerant. Mike made me realize that I had
forgotten about the Vulcan security officer who had not automatically
considered me guilty of murder, last year. Shit! End personal

STARDATE 49808 – Trouble on the Bridge, today. Harry had
detected a Vidiian ship some several light years away. Tuvok
acknowledged the new with usual stoic manner and ordered us to
continue our course. Then Harry made a mistake. He insisted that
we contact the Vidiians to seek a cure for the Captain and
Chakotay’s disease. Even worse, he tried to rally support from
the other crewmen on the Bridge. Between Tuvok’s threats of a
trip to the Brig and my warning, Harry finally backed down.

What the hell was the matter with him? I realize that he missed
the Captain. Hell, so do I. But what he did was stupid.
Especially for a man with ambitions for a stellar career in
Starfleet. End personal log.

STARDATE 49810.13 – He did it again. Once more, Harry tried to
convince Tuvok to contact the Vidiians. He had approached Tuvok
in the latter’s quarters, early this morning. Harry had
apologized for his earlier behavior on the Bridge. He even added
that the Doc was willing to contact Dr. Denara Pel and that
B’Elanna was willing to donate a sample of her Klingon DNA. Now
that took me by surprise! And disturbed me, too.

In the end, Tuvok rejected Harry’s request, reminding him of the
destruction of that Vidiian ship, some three months back. And
once again, Harry lost his temper. (Sighs) You know, maybe we
should contact the Vidiians – if that would keep Harry from
starting a large-scale mutiny. And with the Vidiians close by, a
mutiny is the last thing we need. If that happens, who would
save us? Tuvok is the only one aboard this ship with the
tactical knowledge to deal with the Vidiians. And he can’t do
that, while in the Brig. End personal log.

STARDATE 49813.52 – In the end, Kes managed to convince Tuvok to
contact the Vidiians. I’m relieved, but at the same time, I feel
like a failure. As acting First Officer, I should have been the
one to talk to him. It was my job. Just as it was my job to
inform Tuvok about the crew’s morale, without resorting to
Harry’s temper tantrums. Instead, I kept silent. Some XO I
turned out to be. End personal log.

STARDATE 49818.7 – It worked. We got the cure from the Vidiians,
thanks to Dr. Pel’s generosity. And without Tuvok, we would have
never escaped. Looking back on it, he was right to doubt the
Vidiians’ help. If it had not been for his tactics and Dr. Pel’s
help, we would have never succeeded. Now, we’re on our way back
to the Captain and Tuvok. End personal log.

STARDATE 49853.36 – It’s been almost two weeks since our
encounter with the Vidiians. I feel as if I’m on another ship.
Voyager is on its way back to retrieve the Captain and Chakotay
and the crew is happy. I know that Harry is happy. He has
returned to the ideal Starfleet officer that he was before this
whole incident. But his little act isn’t fooling either Tuvok or
me. I didn’t think Vulcans could deliberately act cold toward a
particular person, but I’ve noticed that Tuvok has been giving
Harry the cold shoulder. I tried to point this out to Harry, but
the big idiot replied that Tuvok had promised not to inform the
Captain about his little insurrection. Maybe, but I wouldn’t be
surprised if she found out what happened, anyway. And that Harry
will live to regret it. End personal log.

STARDATE 49933.57 – It’s been a day since the Captain and
Chakotay’s return to Voyager. I wish I could say that everything
is back to normal. But I would be lying. Despite their
gratitude, our two senior officers did not seem happy to be
back. I would give a month’s worth of replicator rations to
learn what happened during those three months on that planet. I
pointed out the Captain and Chakotay’s subdued manner to
B’Elanna and Harry. The former seemed disturbed, while Harry
dismissed the whole idea. I’m beginning to wonder about Harry.
In some ways, I think he has become even greener since leaving
the Alpha Quadrant. Or maybe he just doesn’t react that well to
change. And that’s not a good trait for a Starfleet officer. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49947.25 – Had lunch in the Mess Hall with Harry and
B’Elanna. It turned out to be a disaster. Harry complained about
Tuvok giving him a hard time on the Bridge, while the Captain
and Chakotay were going over reports in the Ready Room this
morning. I told him what did he expect, after the trouble he
gave Tuvok. I also added that he was lucky that Tuvok never
reported him for insubordination.

Okay, maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but all the
tension from the past six months had finally got to me. And
Harry’s whining was irritating the hell out of me. He left the
Mess Hall in a huff. B’Elanna demanded that I apologize. Why
should I? Someone had to make Harry realize the consequences of
his actions. He doesn’t realize that he may have screwed up his
Starfleet career for good. Limited as it was, here in the Delta
Quadrant. I said this to B’Elanna and she gave me one of her
death glares before leaving the Mess Hall, herself. Shit! I
really should keep my mouth shut. End personal log.

STARDATE 49950.6 – I apologized to Harry for my remarks in the
Mess Hall and he has forgiven me. We’re friends, again. I can’t
say the same about B’Elanna. She continues to give me the cold
shoulder Not once, during dinner, did she utter one word to me.
I’m beginning to suspect that her attitude has more to do with
the deception I had carried out to flush out Seska’s spy, than
with Harry. At first, I felt frustrated by her attitude. Now,
I’m pissed. I’m getting tired of worrying about what she thinks
of me. It seems as if she can’t make up her mind. If she wants
to be friends again, fine. If not, I guess I can live without
her good opinion. I’ve done it before. End personal log.

STARDATE 49985.91 – Voyager came across a message buoy. From
Seska. It seemed she finally had her baby. Or should I say,
Chakotay’s baby? And Maje Cullah seemed upset by the identity of
the baby’s father. Judging from the expression on Chakotay’s
face, I have a feeling that won’t be going after the child.
Which suits me just fine. If you ask me, this whole thing sounds
like a trap. End personal log.

STARDATE 49987.73 – Chakotay and the Captain have decided to go
after Seska’s baby, after all. Oh God! This would mean heading
for the Kazon-Nistrim stronghold in the Gema system. I had
suggested we contact the Talaxian mining colony on Prema II for
extra help. Even the Doc had a suggestion – use the ship’s
deflector grid as holoemitters in order to project images of
nearby Talaxian ships. Not a bad idea, even though it’s a
deception that probably won’t last. I did consider suggesting
that we call this whole thing off, but I don’t think anyone will
listen. End personal log.

STARDATE 49996.36 – Voyager encountered a Kazon shuttle with an
injured man inside. I recognized him immediately. One of Seska’s
aides – Tierna. Chakotay also recognized him. Personally, I
think we should space Tierna out of the nearest airlock. I can’t
help but feel that we’re being set up. I’ve heard that Chakotay
has his own suspicions regarding our visitor. But as Harry has
continuously pointed out, we are a Federation ship. And that
means giving aid to those who needs it, regardless of our
suspicions. Is it any wonder I never wanted to be a Starfleet
officer in the first place? If the Captain is determined to give
aid to Tierna, I hope she has considered contacting the
Talaxians on Prema II. End personal log.

STARDATE 49999.98 – Tierna has regained consciousness. He
claimed that Maje Cullah had killed Seska, after learning that
Chakotay was the baby’s father. As for the baby – it will be
sent to Gema IV, the seat of Kazon-Nistrim power, to be raised
as a servant. What’s the point of repeating myself? This mission
doesn’t feel right. Besides, I really can’t see Voyager
infiltrating the Kazon-Nistrim stronghold.

Although today is New Year’s Eve, no one is in the mood for a
party. A few of us had gathered at Sandrine’s for a little
celebration. But the party mood died out long before 2373 arrived
and everyone left. Very dismal. End personal log.


“ABDUCTION” (2011) Review

“ABDUCTION” (2011) Review

It is very rare to find a Hollywood action film that features a leading man under the age of twenty (20). But I recently came across one, when I saw Taylor Lautner’s new film called “ABDUCTION”

Directed by John Singleton and written by Shawn Christensen, “ABDUCTION” is an action thriller about a Pennsylvania teen, who sets out to uncover the truth about his life after finding his baby photo on a missing persons website. Nathan Harper has a recurring nightmare featuring the death of an unknown woman and consults a psychiatrist named Dr. Geraldine Bennett to discover why. One day, Nathan is partnered with his neighbor and fellow classmate Karen Murphy for a school assignment about missing children. When Karen finds a website that shows how the children would look like as adults, Nathan discovers that a young boy named Steven Price would look exactly like him at an older age. Searching in his basement, he finds the same shirt that Steven is wearing in the picture and realizes that he and Steven are the same person. Nathan calls the website’s owner, unaware that he is a Russian terrorist named Viktor Kozlow.

Not long after Nathan’s call, Kozlow sends two of his agents to Nathan’s house. They attack Nathan’s parents, Kevin and Mara, who tell him to run before being murdered and the house is destroyed. Nathan and Karen escape and attempt to call the police, but the call is intercepted by CIA operative Frank Burton, who tells Nathan that he’s in danger and sends a team to pick him up. Before the CIA’s arrival, Dr. Bennett appears and tells Nathan that Burton cannot be trusted and reveals that Nathan’s adoptive parents were CIA agents assigned to look after him. She also reveals that Nathan’s biological father, Martin, is a CIA agent who stole a list from Kozlow with the names of corrupt CIA operatives. Kozlow had created the website in order to locate Nathan and use him as leverage to force Martin to return the list.

When I first saw the preview for “ABDUCTION”, I had assumed it would be another “HANNA” – namely about a genetically enhanced adolescent trained in self defense and to be an assassin. Thankfully, it did not turned out that way. I suspect that many critics would have been more satisfied if “ABDUCTION” had been another “HANNA”. Personally, I found “HANNA” to be a pretentious bore. And the last thing I wanted to see was another “profound” movie about some highly skilled teenager wanted by various governments and terrorists. “ABDUCTION” does feature a hunt by an intelligence agency and terrorist for an adolescent. But this hunt has nothing to do with him being genetically enhanced. Instead, he is wanted as a bargaining chip for a source of valuable information.

Was “ABDUCTION” any good? Most critics seemed to think otherwise. A great deal of negative reviews practically swamped this film. And if I must be frank, “ABDUCTION” is not another “DIE HARD” or “LETHAL WEAPON”. However, I do not find this surprising. No Hollywood producer would ever heavily finance an action thriller starring an 18-to-19 year-old star, who is only known for co-starring in a series of adolescent vampire flicks. But I must admit . . . “ABDUCTION” was not a disappointment. In fact, I thought it was an entertaining movie. One, the movie featured a solid story about a teenager being used by the CIA and foreign terrorists, because of his father’s profession. Two, thanks to director John Singleton’s direction, “ABDUCTION” was a well-paced film that featured exciting action sequences and solid dramatic moments. I also have to commend Peter Menzies Jr. for his beautiful photography of Pittsburgh and the area around southwestern Pennsylvania.

Singleton also worked well with a cast that featured solid performances from the likes of Maria Bello, Jason Isaacs, Sigourney Weaver, Michael Nyqvist, Dermot Mulroney and Alfred Molina. Any of these performers could have easily carried this film. But it was all up to the likes of Taylor Lautner and his co-star, Lily Collins, to achieve this task. And while many critics and moviegoers may believe that these two failed, I do not believe they did. Actually, they did a very good job – especially Lautner – in carrying the film. More importantly, both Lautner and Collins managed to create a great screen chemistry. Screenwriter Shawn Christensen could have easily ended this film on an illogical note by allowing the Nathan character to save the day and outwit the highly skilled Kozlow. Fortunately, the screenwriter used common sense and allowed Nathan to receive some much needed help in the end.

Would I view “ABDUCTION” as a potential film classic? No. I would say that it is a near-mediocre film. I say . . .near-mediocre, because I feel that it was able to raise above the line of mediocrity. I would never consider it at the same level as the likes “DIE HARD” or “LETHAL WEAPON”. But I must admit that it was a pretty solid action thriller that would be great to watch on a rainy day, thanks to director John Singleton and leading man Taylor Lautner. Speaking of Lautner, he is probably too young to be seriously considered as an action star. But he has the looks, the presence and talent to achieve this goal in less than a decade. Good luck to him.





The late Joan Hickson starred as Miss Jane Marple in her 11th movie that featured the elderly sleuth, created by Agatha Christie. The movie in question was “THEY DO IT WITH MIRRORS”, an adaptation of Christie’s 1952 novel. 

While paying a visit to her old friend, the American-born Ruth Van Rydock, Miss Jane Marple is asked to visit the other woman’s younger sister, Carrie Louise Serrocold. All three women were friends at the same school in Italy when they were girls. Ruth is worried that something is very wrong at Stonygates, the Victorian mansion where Carrie Louise lives with her husband Lewis Serrocold. She fears that Carrie Louise may be in danger of some kind. Ruth asks Miss Marple to find out what is going on. Miss Marple learns that Stonygates has been converted into a home for delinquent boys by Serrocold, who is devoted to the idea of reforming these boys. Christian Gulbrandsen, Carrie Louise’s stepson from her first marriage and a member of the Stonygates Board of Trustees, everyone assumes he is there for a business meeting with Serrocold. The latter finally admits to Miss Marple that Later that evening, the visiting Ruth decides to show an old film of her, Carrie Louise and Miss Marple in Italy; when one of Stonybrook’s boys, an uber-nervous type named Edgar Lawson interrupts the festivities to accuse Serrocold of being his real father. While they quarreled in another room, the fuse to the house blows out. Within minutes, Gulbrandsen’s visit takes a tragic turn when he is found dead – shot in the head – inside his bedroom. Miss Marple, along with Chief Inspector Slack, scramble to find Gulbrandsen’s murderer.

From the articles I have read on the Web, “THEY DO IT WITH MIRRORS” seemed to be highly regarded by many of Christie’s fans. I wish I could share their sentiments, but I cannot. I am not saying that the movie was terrible. It seemed pretty decent to me. But it did not exactly rock my boat. At the moment, I cannot put my finger on it. There is something . . . weak about the plot. One, I did not find the setting of a Victorian manor converted into a home for delinquent boys that intriguing. I suppose one has to blame Christie for creating this setting in the first place. I suspect that she was out of her league. And two, the mystery itself – the murder of Christian Gulbrandsen – did not seem particularly complicated. Judging from the title and the details that led to his murder, I did not find it particularly difficult to guess the murderer’s identity. And three, I thought the movie finished on a slightly weak note. After a murder attempt was made on another character, my attention to the movie gradually began to fade. I was not sleepy. My interest simply began to fade.

I also had a few problems with the cast. The characters of Carrie Louise Serrocold and Ruth van Rycock were portrayed by actresses Jean Simmons and Faith Brook. I had no problems with their performances. I thought both were first rate – especially Simmons, who captured Carrie Louise’s vague and slightly fey personality just right. But both actresses were at least a good twenty years younger than Joan Hickson. And I found the idea of their characters coming from the same generation as Miss Marple rather ludicrous. I also had a problem with Todd Boyce’s portrayal of Walter Rudd, Carrie Louise’s American-born grandson-in-law. At first, I thought he was English born, because I found his American accent rather questionable. I was surprised to learn that he was born in Toledo, Ohio. His family had moved to Australia when he was 16. I think what really annoyed me was that whenever he opened his mouth to speak, I heard a few bars of Western music – to indicate that the character in question was an American. (Pardon me, while I indulge in an eye roll) Thankfully, the music ceased about halfway into the film and I found Boyce’s performance a lot more enjoyable from then on.

“THEY DO IT WITH MIRRORS” also had its virtues. I must admit that the cast was first rate. Joss Ackland gave one of his more sympathetic performances as the well-meaning philanthropist who fears for his wife’s safety. I have already commented upon Simmons, Brooks and Boyce. I was also impressed by Christopher and Jay Villiers, who gave enjoyable performances as the Restarick brothers – Carrie Louise’s stepsons from her second marriage. I could say the same about Holly Aird, who portrayed Carrie Louise’s granddaughter, Gina Rudd. And for the first time, I actually enjoyed David Horovitch’s performance as recurring police sleuth, Chief Inspector Slack. However, I never understood the need to bring him back. I do not recall his character appearing in the novel. As for Joan Hickson, she was perfect as Jane Marple . . . as usual. In fact, she was a real class act in this film.

Personally, I feel that “THEY DO IT WITH MIRRORS” is somewhat overrated by today’s Christie’s fans. I found the plot rather unoriginal and a bit weak in the last thirty minutes. But it had a first-rate cast and decent production values. If you want a pleasant movie for a rainy Sunday afternoon, it might be the ticket for you.






There have been at least eight adaptations of “Pride and Prejudice”, Jane Austen’s 1813 novel. But as far as I know, only four are well known or constantly mentioned by many of the novelist’s present-day fans. And one of the four happens to be the movie adapted in 1940 by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. 

Directed by Robert Z. Leonard, “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE” told the story of the five unmarried daughters of a 19th century English landowner and the efforts of his shrill wife to get them married before his estate is inherited by a distant male cousin. For years, this version of Austen’s novel has been highly regarded by fans and critics alike. But ever since the advent of numerous Austen adaptations in the past 15 to 20 years, these same critics and fans have been incredibly harsh toward this Hollywood classic. Many have complained that the movie failed to be a faithful adaptation of the 1813 novel.

Many of the complaints volleyed by recent Austen fans include:

*The movie’s fashions and setting changed to the late 1820s and early 1830s
*The deletion of Elizabeth Bennet’s trip to Derbyshire and Pemberly
*Mr. Darcy’s slightly less haughty manner
*Instead of a ball, Charles Bingley held a fête for the Hertfordshire neighborhood
*The change in Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s reason for visiting Longbourn

The 1940 movie was the first version of Austen’s novel I had ever seen. Since then, I have become a major fan of some of the adaptations that followed – including the 1980 miniseries, the 1995 miniseries and the 2005 movie. So, when I had decided to watch this version again, I wondered if my high regard of the film would remain. Needless to say, it has.

“PRIDE AND PREJUDICE” had a running time of 117 minutes. To expect it to be a completely faithful adaptation of the novel seemed ridiculous to me. If I must be frank, I have NEVER SEEN a completely faithful adaptation. But I can say this about the 1940 movie, it remains as delightfully entertaining as ever.

However, the movie is not without its faults. And I was able to spot a few. One, I found Laurence Olivier’s portrayal of the haughty Fitzwilliam Darcy as not quite so haughty . . . especially in his pursuit of Elizabeth Bennet during the Netherfield Fête. The time span between Elizabeth’s departure from the Collins household in Kent and Darcy’s arrival in Hertfordshire, to announce his knowledge of Lydia Bennet and George Wickham’s elopement seemed ridiculously short. Since the movie was nearly two hours long, it could have spared a scene in which Colonel Fitzwilliam had revealed Mr. Darcy’s part in Charles Bingley’s departure from Hertfordshire. Instead, we are given a scene in which Elizabeth angrily conveyed the colonel’s revelation to her friend, Charlotte Lucas. And speaking of Charlotte, I was rather disappointed by her portrayal. It made Gerald Oliver Smith’s (Colonel Fitzwilliam) appearance in the movie rather irrelevant. I found nothing wrong with Karen Morely’s performance. But screenwriters Aldous Huxley, Helen Jerome and Jane Muffin failed to do justice to Charlotte’s character or her friendship with Elizabeth.

Despite these disappointments, I managed to enjoy “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE” as much as ever. A good deal of Austen’s words and wit remained in the screenplay. And the screenwriters also added some of their own memorable lines that left me laughing aloud. After my recent viewing of the movie, I believe this “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE” is one of the funniest Austen adaptations I have ever seen. Director Robert Z. Leonard has been nominated for a Best Director Academy Award at least twice in his career – for 1930’s “THE DIVORCEE” and 1936’s “THE GREAT ZIEGFIELD”. It seems a pity that he was never nominated for “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE”, because I believe that he did an excellent job of injecting a great deal of atmosphere, humor and zest into the film. And his pacing of the film is top-notch. Not once did I ever have the inclination to fall asleep, while watching it.

While many Austen fans were busy bemoaning that the movie was not completely faithful to the novel, I was too busy enjoying it. And if I must be brutally honest, there was one major change to Austen’s story that really impressed me. At the Netherfield Fête, Elizabeth began to show signs of warming up to Mr. Darcy, following her demonstration of her prowess as an archer. But when he noticed the less pleasant sides of the Bennet family, Mr. Darcy withdrew himself from Elizabeth, deepening her dislike toward him even further. This was a creation of the screenwriters and to my surprise, I ended up enjoying it.

As I had hinted earlier, I found it to be one of the funniest adaptations I have ever seen. There were so many scenes that either had me laughing on the floor or smirking (with delight). Some of them included the Bennet family’s introduction to Mr. Collins, poor Mary Bennet’s attempt to entertain the guests at the Netherfield Fête, Mrs. Bennet and Lady Lucas’ race to reach their respective homes in order to order their husbands to call upon Charles Bingley, Elizabeth’s first meeting with George Wickham at the Meryton Assembly, and Caroline Bingley’s attempt to express interest in Mr. Darcy’s letter to his sister Georgiana. But the few scenes that I consider my personal favorites were the interaction between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy during a game of archery, Mr. Collins’ marriage proposal to Elizabeth and the dinner sequence at Rosings with the verbose Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

I tried to find a performance that seemed out of step for me. The only one that left me feeling less than satisfied came from Karen Morely, who portrayed Charlotte Lucas. Her Charlotte seemed to fade into the background, in compare to the other characters. I suspect that the problem had more to do with Huxley, Jerome and Muffin’s screenplay than the actress’ performance. But everyone else seemed to be at the top of their game. Both Ann Rutherford and Heather Angel were outrageously silly as the younger Bennet sisters. Marsha Hunt was hilarious as the Bennet family’s wallflower, Mary. Bruce Lester was charming as the extroverted Charles Bingley. He also made a strong screen chemistry with Maureen O’Sullivan, who was equally charming as the eldest Bennet sibling, Jane. Frieda Inescort was both convincingly cool and sometimes rather funny as the imperious and ambitious Caroline Bingley. Edward Ashley Cooper gave what I believe to be the second best portrayal of the roguish George Wickham. He was charming, smooth and insidious. And Edmund Gwenn gave a subtle, yet witty performance as the quietly sarcastic Mr. Bennet.

However, there were five performances that really impressed me. One came from Melville Cooper, who had me laughing so hard, thanks to his hilarious portrayed the obsequious William Collins, Mr. Bennet’s annoying heir presumptive for the Longbourn estate. Equally funny was the unforgettable character actress, Edna May Oliver as Mr. Darcy’s overbearing aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Her role as an English aristocrat seemed so convincing that I was amazed to discover that she was an American from Massachusetts. Mary Boland gave a superb and entertaining performance as the equally overbearing and gauche Mrs. Bennet. In fact, I have to say that her portrayal of Mrs. Bennet is my absolute favorite. My God . . . that voice! She really knew how to put it to good use. Fresh from his success in 1939’s “WUTHERING HEIGHTS”, Laurence Olivier tackled the role of Fitzwilliam Darcy, regarded as the favorite Austen hero by many fans. Personally, I thought he did an excellent job, although his Darcy never struck me as haughty as the other interpretations I have seen. From what I have heard, he was not that fond of the picture or his role. I was also amazed that he had such a strong screen chemistry with his leading lady, considering that he thought she was wrong for the part. Olivier had this to say in his autobiography:

“I was very unhappy with the picture. It was difficult to make Darcy into anything more than an unattractive-looking prig, and darling Greer seemed to me all wrong as Elizabeth.”

I thought it was nice of Olivier to call Greer Garson “darling”. But I do not think I can take his comments about her performance that seriously . . . especially since he wanted Vivien Leigh – his paramour at the time and soon-to-be future wife to portray Elizabeth. Personally, I am glad that Garson ended up portraying Elizabeth. I thought she was superb. Garson had a deliciously sly wit that she put to good use in her performance . . . more so than any other actress I have seen in this role. Some have commented that in her mid-thirties, she was too old to portray Elizabeth. Perhaps. But Garson did such an excellent job of conveying Elizabeth’s immaturities – especially when it came to passing judgment on Mr. Darcy that I never gave her age any thought. All I can say is that she was brilliant and I heartily disagree with Olivier.

Many fans have commented upon Adrian’s costume designs for “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE”. They seemed to have taken umbrage that he designed the costumes from the late Georgian Era – namely the late 1820s or early 1830s, claiming that Austen’s story should have been set during the Regency Era. However, Austen first wrote the novel in the late 1790s. And she did not change it that much before it was finally published in 1813. There was no law that “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE” had to be set in the 1810s – especially when one considers there was a version set in early 21st century India. Personally, I found Adrian’s costumes beautiful, even if they were filmed in black-and-white. And since “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE” was not a historical drama, I simply do not understand the fuss.

After reading so many negative comments about “PRIDE AND PREJUDICE” in recent years, I wondered how I react to watching it again after so many years. To my surprise, I discovered that I still love it. Even after so many years. I admit that it is not perfect. But neither are the other versions I have seen. The magic of Greer Garson, Laurence Olivier and director Robert Z. Leonard still holds up after so many years.

“The Helmsman’s Logs – 2372” [PG-13] – 1/2

I am continuing with the saga of Lieutenant Tom Paris’ personal experiences with the Voyager crew, in the Delta Quadrant. This covers Season 2 episodes from “Initiation” to “Basics, Part 1”. 


SUMMARY: The second in a collection of Tom Paris’ personal logs during Voyager’s seven years in the Delta Quadrant. Part 2 focuses upon the ship’s second year, 2372.
FEEDBACK: deerush76@yahoo.com – I would
appreciate constructive feedback. Thank you.
DISCLAIMER: Tom Paris and all other characters related to Star Trek Voyager
belong to Paramount, Viacom, Rick Berman, the Roddenberry family and other Trek producers.

Part I

STARDATE 49000.95 – Aaaagh! Shit! I’ve got the worse hangover! I
never thought anyone could get a hangover from synthehol. Hell,
I haven’t had one since my days with the Maquis and that was
with real alcohol. Poor Marie was still unconscious when I left
her quarters, this morning. Oh well. At least we had one hell of
a party. Too bad all of us weren’t able to enjoy it. Tuvok
wasn’t there. And B’Elanna left the party before the New Year.
Too bad. The party became even wilder after she left. In fact, I
have to say this was one of the best New Year parties I have
ever attended. End personal log.

STARDATE 49004.6 – We nearly lost Harry, today. While making a
polaron scan, his shuttle accidentally intersected a time stream.
Harry would have been killed from a warp-core breach, if Torres
had not transported him to the ship in time. After we retrieved
him, he asked if I was aboard the ship. Strange. He said
something even odder after he appeared on the Bridge. “I owe you
 Now, what did he mean by that? End personal log.

STARDATE 49013.63 – Harry told B’Elanna and me a strange tale,
this evening. Only, it wasn’t really a tale. That time stream
that Harry had intercepted, sent him to an alternate reality. A
reality where neither of us ended up on Voyager.

Harry told us that in the other reality, he served in the
Starfleet Corps of Engineering and lived with his fiancée in San
Francisco. Lucky bastard. It seems my alter ego never made it
aboard Voyager, especially after I . . . I mean, he got into a
fight with that Ferengi bartender on Deep Space Nine. Alternate
Tom was pardoned on Stardate 48702 – three months short of my
full sentence. I, or he ended up as drunken barfly in
Marsailles. When Harry told us this – most reluctantly, I may
add – not even B’Elanna could look me in the eye.

In the end, even Harry ran into hot water after visiting a known
“Maquis sympathizer” – namely me – and accessing classified
files about Voyager. Those idiots at Starfleet Command accused
him of spying for the Maquis. Harry found out about the
time stream accident from an extra-dimensional intelligence named
Cosmo. Assigned to watch over Harry after the accident, Cosmo
eventually gave Harry the coordinates to return to the right
timeline. And Harry would have never accomplished this without
help from Libby and Alternate Tom. I may add that my alternate
ego died in a shuttle core breach just seconds after helping
Harry return to our time. Poor bastard. Makes me appreciate my
life aboard Voyager even more.

B’Elanna asked Harry why he didn’t remain in that alternate
life, when given the chance. It seemed he couldn’t live with his
friend, Danny Byrd, being unnecessarily stuck aboard Voyager. Or
me, wasting my life away at Sandrine’s. Poor Harry. He gave up
so much in the name of friendship. And to right a wrong. That’s
Starfleet for you. I hope he never changes. End personal log.

STARDATE 49045.55 – The Captain has finally approved my
suggestion to conduct flying lessons for members of the crew
outside of the Conn Division. So far, only five crewmen have
volunteered. Harry, of course; Mike Ayala; a Bajoran named Tal
Celes; Sue Nicoletti and Kes. I noticed that my good buddy,
B’Elanna, failed to volunteer. She claimed that Engineering took
too much of her time. Right! Tell me something new. The truth is
that she can’t bear to drag herself out of Engineering for
anything other than meals and sleep.

As for Kes – well, I didn’t really expect her to volunteer. A
part of me felt elated. Another part of me dreaded the lessons.
I mean, c’mon! Kes and me inside a small shuttle, together?
I don’t know if I would be able to keep my hands off her.
End personal log.

STARDATE 49053.37 – I am so pissed! That goddamn warthog! (Takes
a deep breath) Okay, I’m calm. How to start from the beginning?

Well for one, I finally admitted my feelings about Kes – to
Harry, of course! I sure as hell didn’t confess to Kes. Even
when I had the opportunity. It was those damn flying lessons! I
knew those lessons would be a problem. Watching her face lit up
as she attempted to maneuver the shuttle (in Holodeck Two, of
course) through one of the simulations I had created. And then
she fell right into my arms . . . It’s a damn good thing I have
great restraint, or I would have tried to seduce her right there
on the spot.

That little shuttle lesson became the breaking point for me. I
had to tell someone. Who better than my good friend, Harry Kim?
When we arrived in the Mess Hall for lunch, I felt relieved that
he had joined me. We found Kes eating her lunch, all alone.
Unfortunately, Harry was called to the Bridge. Which left me
alone with Kes . . . and Afarian hair pasta. Who in the hell
ever heard of hair in pasta? Anyway, Neelix went green-eyed
jealous over the whole thing and dumped a plate of pasta on my
chest. So, I decided to return the favor. And the next thing I
knew, he tackled me to the floor and we began to wrestle. The
Captain summoned us to her Ready Room for a mission, before I
had the chance to change into a fresh uniform. Needless to say,
she was a little miffed. However, she seemed more concerned with
our mission. Which was? Neelix and I were ordered to fly to an
M-class planet to collect foodstuff. Great! Just what I need! A
day with a jealous, volatile warthog with no fashion sense. Oh
well. At least we didn’t get busted for the fight. End personal

STARDATE 49055.85 – This has certainly been a day of changes.
Yesterday, I wanted to strangle Neelix. But after spending
several hours on a planet together, caring for a baby
reptohumanoid, we’re now best buddies. Who would have thought?
To be honest, once you get past Neelix’s insecurities and
jealous temper, he’s not a bad guy. He’s one of the very few
people I can talk with on this ship. I even told him about that
ridiculous grade Dad gave me in Survival Training at the

Now that Neelix and I are friends, I have to consider Kes off-
limits, permanently. I’m still attracted to her, but as I had
told Neelix, she has eyes for no one but him. I might as well
stop fooling myself and admit it.

Shit! This itching is driving me crazy! Damn trigemic vapors! I
hope the Doc has some cordrozine available. End personal log.

STARDATE 49068.04 – Miracle of miracles! Harry and I finally
persuaded B’Elanna to volunteer for pilot lessons in the
Holodeck. Today marked her first day in the classroom. After
insisting that she was already a pretty good pilot, she managed
to crash the shuttle during a flight through an asteroid belt. I
didn’t laugh out loud, but she did order me to wipe that smirk
off my face. What smirk? I don’t recall smirking. End personal

STARDATE 49089.37 – Is it me or has the Captain becoming testy,
lately? I suppose it was inevitable, with everyone demanding her
attention. We’re about to enter Botha space and Neelix has
expressed concern over the matter. Doesn’t exactly do much for
my sense of security, either.

Both Harry and B’Elanna are still in Engineering, trying to find
a way to install holoemitters throughout certain areas of the
ship. They’ve been working on this project for nearly a week,
now and I miss them. New holoemitters would supposedly free the
Doc from the confines of the Sick Bay and the holodecks. Hell!
It’s bad enough dealing with the man, while in Sick Bay. Must we
have him underfoot, as well? End personal log.

STARDATE 49098.27 – If I ever find myself in Botha space again,
it would be too soon. God, what a horrible place! To have one’s
deepest fears and desires exposed like that. I simply hated it!

The Captain was the first to experience these illusions. She
claimed that she saw her fiancé on the view screen. Tuvok saw
his wife and Harry, Libby. Soon, nearly the entire crew ended up
telepathically manipulated by the Bothan. I thought I would end
up facing my old love, Susie Crabtree. Or Kes. Instead, I found
myself facing good ole Admiral Owen Paris, my childhood horror.
There was he was, standing behind my shoulder and spouting those
same hateful words I had to endure during most of my life.
Naturally, I lost it.

Why the Admiral? Why him, of all people? Dammit! It was like
facing all the insecurities and doubts of the past, again. I
thought I had put it behind me, when I ended up in the Delta
Quadrant. (Sighs) Apparently not.

Sandrine’s was pretty crowded this evening. Even Neelix and Kes
were there. Kes seemed particularly wary of me. I wonder why.
Harry began his usual chatter about Libby. I guess seeing her in
that alternate timeline made his longing for her, even worse.
B’Elanna never told us what she had imagined. She didn’t have
to. The Captain and Chakotay’s appearance told me everything. I
can only imagine what had gone through her mind.

This is just great! B’Elanna is still mooning over the Great
Spirit Guide and Harry still longs for Libby. At this rate,
they’ll end up as the two loneliest people on this ship – after
Captain Janeway. End personal log.

STARDATE 49123.7 – Spent a pleasant Valentine’s Day. The crew
held a party inside Sandrine’s. Harry and B’Elanna arrived
together. I came with Ensign Renlay Sharr. I think B’Elanna
would have enjoyed herself more, if Chakotay had not been there.
She spent most of the evening, shooting discreet, yet longing
glances at him. At least Harry and I were able to distract her
with a dance, each.

I also managed to enjoy a dance with Kes. Again, she seemed a
bit distant and I don’t know why. She has been like this ever
since we left Botha space. When I finally brought up the
subject, she snapped out of it and became the old Kes I know and
love. I wanted to ask what happened, but instinct told me it
would be best to remain silent. End personal log.

STARDATE 49166.03 – Ten months after our encounter with the
Caretaker, we came across another array station, similar to the
one that brought us into the Delta Quadrant. The Captain ordered
Harry to hail the station. To our surprise, we found it
maintained by Ocampans – unfriendly ones, at that. They would
have continued firing upon the ship, if Kes had not asked them
to stand down. Neelix told me that the Captain will hold a
dinner for our Ocampan guests in her new private dining room.
Along with him, Chakotay, Tuvok and Kes have been ordered to
attend. And the food will be prepared by the Ocampans. Lucky
people. End personal log.

STARDATE 49171.76 – We finally made contact with the Caretaker’s
mate and it nearly ended in disaster for Voyager. Her name is
Susperia and she came close to killing the Captain, B’Elanna,
Tuvok and a few others in Engineering. Susperia had no desire to
help us return to the Alpha Quadrant. Instead, she wanted
revenge for the Caretaker’s death. Despite what the Captain told
her, she believed that we had killed him. If it hadn’t been for
Kes, she would have eventually destroyed the ship.

Speaking of Kes, I heard the Ocampans helped strengthen her
telekinesis. Because of this, she nearly killed Tuvok, destroyed
the plants in the Airpondics Bay and weakened Susperia by
attacking one of the Ocampans. Whew! I never realized how
powerful she could be. Then I remember she was the one who had
defeated that Bothan. End personal log.

STARDATE 49179.6 – While delivering a navigational report to
Engineering, I asked Sue Nicoletti out for a date. She said no.
Okay. I’m a little disappointed, but I’ll get over it. I realize
that Sue might not be my type, but neither is Kes. And I ended
up falling in love with her.

Of course, one might ask why Sue Nicoletti? Again, like Kes,
she’s different from the other women I usually date. And quite
frankly, I’m getting a little weary of fleeting romances. Sue is
beautiful, intelligent and seems like someone I would like to
know very much. Unfortunately, she is not interested in me. But
hey! I’m a Paris. And Parises never give up. End personal log.

STARDATE 49201.76 – Voyager took one hell of a beating from the
Kazon-Nistrim, today. We came across a Federation signal from a
nebula cloud. A cloud that hid a Kazon ship, commanded by an old
friend, Maje Cullah. The attack turned out to be a raid,
masterminded by another old friend, Seska. Who now looks
completely Cardassian. The raid resulted in the theft of a
transporter module, a Kazon shuttle stuck in the ship’s hull and
a collapsed warp field. It’s a damn good thing the Kazon were
only interested in a hit-and-run raid. Or we would have been in
serious trouble.

Harry later managed to drag B’Elanna out of Engineering for
dinner in the Mess Hall. We talked about the raid and Seska.
B’Elanna told us that Chakotay felt guilty for recruiting Seska
into the Maquis, in the first place. Not really surprised.
Chakotay had never been a good judge of character. Tuvok, on the
other hand, is a pretty good one. Neelix repeated a suggestion
he had made to the Captain. And I quote: “Perhaps Commander
Chakotay could use his intimate knowledge of Seska to manipulate
her in much the same way she manipulated us.”
 (Laughs) Oh God!
(More laughter) I wish I had witnessed that little moment.
(Takes a deep breath) Poor Neelix looked embarrassed when he
repeated Tuvok’s words. So did Harry. As for B’Elanna . . .
hell, she looked as if she could commit murder. Instead, she
stormed out of the Mess Hall in a huff. Probably to offer
comfort to our embarrassed First Officer. End personal log.

STARDATE 49204.06 – We finally managed to rescue Chakotay from
Seska and the Kazon-Nistrim. It seemed Seska had integrated our
transporter module into Kazon technology. She and Cullah
executed three men from the Kazon-Relora by transporting them
into space. This turned out to be the last straw for Chakotay,
who went after Seska and the module in a shuttle, without
Janeway’s permission. He left a message beacon, instructing us
not to rescue him. Tuvok argued that we should heed the good
Commander’s advice. I had no problem with that. However, the
always loyal B’Elanna convinced the Captain to go after
Chakotay. We rescued him by first, kidnapping a group of Kazon,
including Cullah, and insisting on a trade. It worked. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49209.09 – Stunning news, today. Well, first things
first. Chakotay has returned to duty. He and the Captain spent a
few minutes inside her Ready Room. Judging from their
expressions, the Captain must have placed an official reprimand
on his record.

And the big news? Seska left behind a message beacon for
Chakotay. He rejected the Captain’s offer to relay the message
to his office. Big mistake. It seems Seska had used the sample
of Chakotay’s DNA she had stolen to impregnate herself. And now,
she’s carrying his child. Boy! The look on Chakotay’s face was
one I will never forget. He looked absolutely stunned. I can
imagine how B’Elanna will react when she hears the news. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49220.98 – Saw B’Elanna for the first time in four
days. Ever since Seska’s little bombshell, she has been hiding
out in her quarters or Engineering. Harry finally forced her to
show up her shuttle lesson, today. In the end, I couldn’t keep
my mouth shut and asked where had she been for the past several
days. B’Elanna claimed that she had been busy repairing the hull
breach from Seska’s raid. I called her a liar (God, I’m a brave
man!) and told her I knew what was really going on.

“Like what?” she demanded.

I told her. I told her that I knew she was upset over Seska’s
pregnancy. I added that it wasn’t Chakotay’s fault. That Seska
had stolen his DNA, while he was unconscious. And that Seska
used the DNA to impregnate herself. “It’s not like they had
 I added.

Big mistake. B’Elanna immediately ended the lesson and started
to leave the holodeck. Determined to make her see the light, I
blocked her way and added that a) I knew about her infatuation
with Chakotay; b) she was wasting her time on a man who was not
the ideal she seemed to believe he was; c) Chakotay never struck
me as her type; and d) that being the case, she should consider
letting go of this infatuation.

Okay, perhaps I had been a little too blunt. My words didn’t
exactly sit well with B’Elanna. In fact, she lost her temper and
threatened to dismember me if I didn’t get out of her way. Well,
a guy usually knows when he’s not wanted and I knew that if I
didn’t step aside, she would carry out her threat. So I moved.
And she left. God only knows when she’ll speak to me, again. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49234.53 – I must be very unpopular with female
engineers, lately. B’Elanna still isn’t speaking to me. I really
must have pissed her off. I also asked Sue Nicoletti for another
date. This time, she responded with an emphatic no. (Sighs) I
wonder if Harry is available for a quick game of pool, tonight.
I might even allow my old snuggle bunny, Ricki, to make an
appearance. End personal log.

STARDATE 49245.06 – Trouble aboard Voayger, today. The warp
field coils are beginning to malfunction. And they’re affecting
the port nacelle. Engineering had to reroute power to the anti-
matter reactor. It’s the only way we can keep moving. Harry and
B’Elanna informed us that Voyager desperately needs tellurium
for the reactor. Fortunately, Neelix knows where we can acquire
a supply. Until then, many shipboard systems will be down. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49250.52 – Ever since the Captain, Tuvok, and B’Elanna
end up missing on the Mokra homeworld, the crew has been in a
state of anxiety. All because of the damn tellurium. Neelix’s
description of the Mokra Order reminded me of the Nazi regime
from 20th century Earth history. In the end, our missing trio
and Neelix ended up dealing with representatives from the
Alsarian resistance movement. Neelix returned to the ship with
the tellurium. Unfortunately, the others ended up either missing
or captured. End personal log.

STARDATE 49253.87 – We got the Captain, B’Elanna and Tuvok back.
Barely. Chakotay sent me and an Away team to rescue them from
the Mokra Order. By the time we found them, they had rescued
themselves. Augris, head of the Mokra, had been killed. I think
the Captain is still upset over the death of that old man. The
Doctor healed Tuvok’s wounds. Never saw a Vulcan look so chewed
up like that. I don’t know about B’Elanna. She has been in her
quarters, since her return to the ship. I think Harry is with
her. I’d join them, but I don’t think B’Elanna wants my company.
End personal log.

STARDATE 49260.43 – I’m running late! The staff meeting
starts in less than 15 minutes and I just finished showering. If
I had remembered, I would have never spent the night with Margot
Gallagher. She and Dick Bennet had finally called it quits some
five weeks ago. Big argument in the Mess Hall. Bennet consoled
himself with Jana McCormick from Engineering. Since Sue
Nicoletti is proving to be elusive, I decided to try my luck
with Gallagher. At least for a while. According to Harry, Bennet
is pissed. Too bad. He should have thought of that before he
took up with McCormick. End personal log.

STARDATE 49278.21 – The crew found and beamed aboard an android
that had been floating in space. Naturally Tuvok, with his usual
Vulcan “doom-and-gloom”, nay-sayed the idea. But the Captain
gave B’Elanna and Harry permission to repair the android. Now,
they have a new toy to become obsessed over. Harry eventually
grew tired and left Engineering. Not B’Elanna. I gather she’s
still there, obsessing over her new toy.

Also, Gallagher asked me over to her quarters for dinner. I
guess I would have preferred Nicoletti, but something tells me
that a date with her would be hopeless. So, I’ll be keeping
company with the lovely Margot, tonight. End personal log.

STARDATE 49281.19 – A hell of a lot has happened, lately. The
android that B’Elanna had repaired, kidnapped her so she would
create a prototype of Pralor druids. The Captain threatened the
Pralor ship with force, in order to force them to return
B’Elanna. Instead, they responded by attacking the ship. The
attack left Voyager with little warp power for half a day. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49282.84 – The Captain, Tuvok and Chakotay finally came
up with a plan to rescue B’Elanna. Thank God! The plan was to
distract the Pralor ship long enough for me to slip inside its
shields by shuttlecraft, beam B’Elanna aboard and fly back to
Voyager. I did suggest getting inside the Pralor’s shields
without a diversion and Mister “Crash” Chakotay had the nerve to
hint that I might wreck another shuttle. This coming from a man
who has wrecked more shuttles than all of the Federation’s
enemies combined!

In the end, another ship filled with androids created the
diversion. They were the Cravic, and were at war with the
Pralor. I managed to slip through a breach in the Pralor’s ship,
caused by the Cravic. I also beamed B’Elanna aboard the shuttle.
Unfortunately, not before she was injured.

Later at Sandrine’s, Harry and I learned from B’Elanna that
there had been a war between the Pralor and the Cravic. They had
created androids to fight their armies. When the two races ended
their war, the androids exterminated them in fear of being
deactivated or destroyed. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it
again – we’re too dependent upon technology.

And yes, B’Elanna is speaking to me again. She thanked me for
rescuing her from the Pralor. After Harry left our table for
drinks, she also admitted that I had been right about her and
Chakotay. I don’t think her infatuation is completely over, but
I can see that she no longer puts him on a pedestal. It’s a
relief to know that she is finally on the road to recovery. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49302.85 – Sad news today. Q or Quinn has committed
suicide. According to Kes, he killed himself by swallowing
Nogatch hemlock. A little gift provided by that other omnipotent
being, Q. After the Captain gave him asylum aboard Voyager, I
thought he would readily join the crew. I guess not. Kes said
that she didn’t feel too sad. Not only was Quinn free of the Q
Continuum, he no longer had to deal with an existence in
eternity. End personal log.

STARDATE 49315.82 – The Kazon-Nistrim are back. Dammit! Voyager
sustained damage to several decks and impulse engines, during a
twenty minute battle. We engaged against two Nistrim ships. One,
I’m happy to say, was destroyed. The other, although heavily
damanged, managed to escape. I hope it will be a while before
our next encounter with the Kazon. However, my gut tells me that
we’ll be seeing them a lot sooner. End personal log.

STARDATE 49327.65 – God, I’m tired! Once again, Voyager had
another battle with the Kazon. Don’t these people ever give up?
This time, they managed to take us by surprise, during Gamma
shift. The battle ended in the destruction of the Kazon ship.
Unfortunately, Voyager sustained damage to the starboard nacelle
and Deck Eight. Two crewmen – Larson and Golwat – were injured.
Right now, I need a bite to eat and some rest. End personal log.

STARDATE 49330.11 – Another battle with the Kazon-Nistrim.
Cullah and Seska seemed to be after us with a vengeance. Again,
several decks were damaged, along with the navigational
deflector and impulse engines. B’Elanna had to shut down the
warp engines, to prevent a core breach. After the battle, I went
to Engineering to help her repair the navigational deflector.
The place was a mess! Several crewmen had been injured, along
with Kurt Bandera. B’Elanna told me that he died not long after
he had been beamed to Sick Bay. She seemed pretty shaken by the
news. So was I, to be honest. Kurt had been the only Maquis who
had treated me decently, despite being one of Chakotay’s closest

Kurt’s memorial service was held during Gamma shift. After the
service, Ensign Hogan, another ex-Maquis, accosted the Captain
about trading Federation technology with the Kazon. He saw no
harm in it. Mind you, I have a pretty low opinion of the Prime
Directive, but not even I would consider such a trade. Unless
the situation was desperate enough to call for one. But I don’t
see the harm in forming an alliance with the Kazon.

Thankfully, Chakotay managed to convince the Captain into
considering a Kazon-Federation alliance. Harry was appalled.
Tuvok, surprisingly, seemed to have found logic in the idea.
Tuvok and Chakotay agreeing to the same thing – scary! B’Elanna
suggested we try to make an alliance with the Nistrim. I thought
it was a good idea. Chakotay didn’t. I guess he would have
preferred another Kazon sect. But the Captain told him that he
would have to deal with an alliance with Seska and Cullah. Since
the whole idea was his to begin with. You know, I’m glad the
Captain has finally considered this alliance, but I have a
nagging feeling that she hopes it will fail. End personal log.

STARDATE 49332.42 – Harry is still bitching about the possible
alliance with the Kazon. He said that the latter cannot be
trusted and such an alliance would be a violation of Federation
ideals. B’Elanna coolly asked him if he had felt the same about
the Federation’s treaty with the Cardassians. Harry remained
silent after that.

Neelix has left to make contact with the Kazon-Pommar. I guess
the Captain has plans to establish an alliance with all of the
Kazon sects. Good luck! We should rendevous with Neelix,
tomorrow. End personal log.

STARDATE 49337.71 – The whole alliance between us and the Kazon
has gone to hell, thanks to the Trabe. Funny thing is, I’m not
really surprised. People don’t really change that much, and I
guess one could say the same about the Trabe. A few decades ago,
they had been a highly sophisticated race who oppressed the
Kazon for generations. Turned them into a slave race. The Kazon
eventually rebelled against the Trabe and more or less, have
been hunting them down, since.

The Captain, Chakotay and many others believed the Trabe had
learned some humility over the years. Ha! What a joke! I’m not
saying that I was suspicious of the Trabe, but I don’t think
people change that drastically, no matter what they went
through. And I certainly didn’t think the Kazon would tolerate
the Trabe’s presence at the peace conference. Well, I was right.
The Trabe tried to kill all of the Kazon majes and the entire
alliance fell apart. So, that’s the end of that. And judging
from the Captain’s little “we are Starfleet” speech, I think
she is secretly pleased over the alliance’s failure. She never
wanted the alliance in the first place. But sooner or later, I
suspect she’s going to realize that one day, she will have to go
against Starfleet protocol to ensure our survival in the Delta
Quadrant. End personal log.

STARDATE 49346.39 – Harry, B’Elanna and I discussed an
interesting topic during lunch, today. Warp 10 flight. According
to B’Elanna, the dilithium we had picked up from that dark
nebula about a month ago, has proven to be strong and rich
enough to remain stable at a much higher warp frequency. In
other words, it could be used to allow a ship to travel at Warp
10. Starfleet has always considered it an infinite velocity
unattainable by normal warp drive technology. But with this new
dilithium, Voyager could travel at Warp 10. This would enable
the ship to travel at a speed that theoretically occupies all
points in the universe simultaneous. Perhaps give us the ability
to travel at transwarp speed.

We all agreed it was something to think about. I think B’Elanna
and Harry saw this as an opportunity to quickly get home. I
saw it as an opportunity to make aviation history. Since the
Captain is now in her quarters, we plan to present the idea to
her. I better hurry or I’ll be late. End personal log.

STARDATE 49346.8 – The Captain has agreed to let us work on the
Warp 10 project. (Takes a deep breath) Okay. Warp 10. God, I
hope we’ll be able to pull it off. (Pauses) Boy, wouldn’t that
be something? To be the first pilot to reach Warp 10. I wonder
how Dad would react if I succeed? Would he finally see more than
just an embarrassment to the Paris name? (Pauses) I don’t know.
End personal log.

STARDATE 49357.67 – I didn’t know whether to hug or kiss Neelix
after listening to his little story. Okay, I had settled for a
hug. Harry, B’Elanna and I have been running holodeck
simulations on the Warp 10 flight. And each simulation ended
in failure. We thought it were the nacelles buckling under
pressure of transwarp flight, but it was the shuttle’s hull.
Neelix’s tale (hell, I forgotten all the details) gave me an
idea. We should strengthen the shuttle’s hull with tritanium,
instead. A second holodeck simulation proved that my idea worked.
Harry, B’Elanna and I informed the Captain and Chakotay. And now,
it seems I will be conducting the Warp 10 flight, tomorrow morning.
I only hope . . . (door chimes) Hell, who is it now? End personal

LOG SUPPLEMENTAL – Dammit, I nearly lost the flight! All because
of the Doc. The Captain came by to inform me that the Doc found
a slight enzymatic imbalance in my cerebellum. And that
something that might affect my health during the experiment. And
that Harry will conduct the flight in my stead.

(Sighs) For a moment, I thought I might have overreacted at the
news. I really didn’t realize how much I wanted to make
this flight, until I nearly lost it. Do I want the recognition
that badly? To be known as the one who made the first Warp 10
flight? I mean, what was it going to get me? (Pauses) I don’t
know. I . . . Hell! Who am I kidding? It’s not the name
recognition I want. It’s the respect.

Yeah, I know that some of the crew have begun treating me with
more respect and friendliness, in the past six months or so.
Treat me as part of the crew. But I still see signs of hostility
and disgust in the eyes of many people. Especially people like
Chakotay. Maybe this Warp 10 flight will finally erase their
distrust for good. End personal log.

STARDATE 49359.86 – I did it. I became the first Human or
sentient being to achieve Warp 10 speed.
 It was amazing! In a
breath of a second, I went everywhere in the universe. Other
sectors of the Delta Quadrant, the Alpha Quadrant, in the past
and in the future . . . My name will probably end up in the
History books, with others like Cochrane, Armstrong and Kelly. And yet
. . . I don’t know. I guess I don’t feel as elated as I should.
The Captain certainly did. And so did B’Elanna. Now, why don’t
I feel the same? I don’t know. Maybe earning the respect of
others just isn’t enough. (Sighs) Oh well. Huh, it’s almost
17:00 hours. I forgot that I’m supposed to meet B’Elanna in the
Mess Hall, so we can go over the specs of the flight. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49378.33 – This has all been a surreal dream. I wish it
had been a dream. But it wasn’t. I actually died. And
resurrected as a lizard, a salamander or something. The Doc claimed
that I had evolved into man’s future state. I don’t know if I
agree with that conclusion. How can an amphibian be considered
man’s future form?

The funny thing is that I don’t remember a damn thing that
happened. Well, I take that back. I do remember how awful
Neelix’s coffee tasted. Maybe I can get him to change the name.
And I remember lying flat on my back in the Mess Hall, and
writhing in pain, while B’Elanna stroked my hair. (Pauses) Whoa!
Now why did I say that? Anyway, the Doc happily filled me in on
some of the hazy moments. Let’s just say that he knows a lot
about the history of my sex life. Perhaps too much. He also
knows that I don’t trust people who don’t cry and that I have a
serious inferiority complex. God! What else did I reveal? Oh,
he did add that I asked Kes to give me a kiss. Thank goodness
Neelix will never find out.

The Doctor had a plan to restore my original DNA, using matter
from the ship’s warp core. Only, I managed to escape, kidnap the
Captain, and leave Voyager in the Cochrane, before he could
succeed. The crew found the Captain and I on some swampy planet,
three days later. And we had transformed into a pair of
salamanders. Salamanders with babies. Great! In a space of four
days, I’ve died, resurrected, transformed into another species,
kidnapped the Captain, transformed her, took her to a planet and
knocked her up. I must add that we had three babies. Chakotay
and Tuvok decided to leave them on the planet. Huh. Too bad.
I wouldn’t have minded being a father. I think.

I had apologized to the Captain for my behavior. She’s really
something. She had suggested that she might have been the one to
initiate our . . . uh, mating. Shit! Now I feel like an
embarrassed schoolboy! As for the Warp 10 project, it looks as
if we might have to find another way for a starship to travel at
that speed – and without “evolving” into another animal.
End personal log.